Advice to the Young Men in My Life: Physical Labor is Good!

When I was in high school, we lived in a very small town just outside of Reno, called Verdi.  I spent some of the best years there – exploring the outdoors, fishing, riding my mini-bike, shooting my bb gun.  But one of the best memories I have of that time is splitting wood.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  At first, I hated it.  It was just one more chore I had to do.  But over time, it became something I enjoyed doing (well, maybe not all the time!).  Splitting wood taught me some valuable lessons when it comes to physical labor.  Those lessons can apply whether using an ax, or digging in a garden, or hauling sand-bags, or repairing a fence.

1. God created us to work.  This does not mean that working in an office is not Godly.  But it does mean that we can experience God through our physical labor as well – in fact, sometimes it actually seems easier!
2. Physical labor improves your coordination.  You don’t need to miss the log with the axe too many times before you get a lot better at your hand-eye coordination.
3. Physical labor pays off in the fitness area.  You don’t build too many muscles playing X-box!  On the other hand, hauling around logs or bags of sand is great for the biceps.  Not to mention the heart, weight loss, etc.
4. Physical labor gives you a sense of accomplishment.  It seems there is always more paperwork to do, more calls to make, more bills to pay.  But physical labor usually has a definitive end.  There’s nothing quite as satisfying as finishing that last log and stacking it on the pile.
5. Physical labor reminds you that many people make their living this way.  I’m not just talking about manual laborers in the United States.  Think about all the men and women in underdeveloped countries that not only “make a living” with physical labor, but simply “live” through physical labor.  Hand-washing clothes.  Fetching water from a well.  Taking care of livestock.  This does two things for me.  It makes me realize how blessed I am, and it gives me a tremendous respect for those who labor daily.
6. Physical labor is great for “working through things”.  Break up with your girlfriend?  Split some wood.  Mad at your parents?  Split some wood.  Fail that exam?  Split some wood.  Feel like life has become waaay too complex and that you’ll never be good at “adulting”?  You guessed it – split some wood.  Manual labor both focuses your mind on a task, and allows you to work through things mentally and emotionally.  It’s also a great way to “let off steam” without damaging your knuckles on a wall!
7. Physical labor teaches responsibility.  There’s an easy connection when the labor is a chore, or part of your job.  You have a responsibility to do something, and there are consequences if you don’t and rewards if you do.  But even if the labor is a personal project there is still a feeling of satisfaction when the job is done and done well.
8. Physical labor teaches valuable skills.  So, maybe there will never be a zombie apocalypse.  However,  what if the power goes out?  It’d be nice to have a fire on a cold night.  What if your car breaks down?  It’d be nice to be able to haul your groceries home.  What if your power tools get left out in the rain?  It’d be nice to know how to use a hammer, saw, and post-hole digger.  What if the plumber can’t get there until tomorrow?  It’d be nice to know how to fix a leaky pipe.
9. Physical labor gives you a sense of ownership.  When you are the one who split that cord of wood, or put those sandbags in place, or built that fence, then you can rightfully claim “I did that”.  Of course, that also goes back to responsibility.  If you did that, then you are the one responsible for the quality of the work.  Ownership and responsibility go hand in hand, and often lead to improvements.
10. Physical labor is sometimes best when done alone – it gives time to sort things out.  But physical labor is also sometimes best when done together.  The only thing that was better than splitting wood by myself was when my dad was teaching me.  Working together to labor creates bonds that the office can’t match.

 So, go out and find some manual labor (if you need help, there’s still some logs in my backyard that need splitting….)

The Dance

               Every so often God and I get into some deep talks at around 2 am.  I’d like to share today’s discussion with you.

I can remember watching my daughter dance “just because” when she was a toddler.  I can remember watching in ballet class when she was around 4 or 5 years old.  But my favorite memories are teaching her dance.  It would start with her (literally) standing on my feet as I danced.  Later, she managed her own steps.  We danced at her wedding.  And I also taught others how to dance with her. (No, I did not let the young men stand on my feet!).  So last night, as I was praising God at 2 am, I started thinking about David “dancing before the Lord” (2 Sam 6:14), and God and I had a talk about it (He talked, I listened.  After all, that’s part of being still).

God delights in watching us dance.  Even when we don’t think He’s watching, or aren’t even aware He’s watching, He is.  And he delights.  God delights in our joy (I’m talking here of joy, not necessarily “happiness”.  There are many things we think make us happy, that God isn’t too excited about.  But joy comes from the spirit.)  What may start out for us as joy in a “thing” or “event” becomes magnified into a joy for the dance itself.

God is a gentleman – He wants more than to watch, but He’s not going to just cut in.  He yearns to be invited:  “Dance with me, Daddy!” and He wants us to let Him lead.  Even more than watching us dance with joy, God loves to dance with us in joy.  This is shared love and trust.  This is no longer just a joy of dancing.  It is a joy that comes from dancing with the Lord of the dance.  And when we dance with the Lord we become grace-full, for God is patient and loving in that dance.  He gives us grace when we lose the beat, or make a mis-step, or trip on our own feet, or step on His.  He takes even our mis-steps and somehow incorporates them into the dance and creates something beautiful and timeless that we are a part of.  Something that is overflowing with love and joy.

But God doesn’t stop there.  It is that love and joy that others standing on the sidelines see.  And they hunger for it.  They yearn for it.  And God tells us to invite them in.  God is big enough that the dance is personal, but not individual.  Whatever comes to you mind at this point – line dancing, mosh pit or ballet – God knows the steps.  And He takes them all and somehow combines them through love and grace and power to make a beautiful choreography.  This is love between us and God, and between us and others (Matthew 22:37-40). 

There is a $25 seminary word that describes the Trinity – perichoresis.  It is the idea of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit dancing together.  The cool thing is, you’re invited to the dance!

Advice to the young men in my life: (Learn to) Write a Letter!

 Dear young man:

           When I think about letters in my life, three major sets of correspondence come to mind.  First, I remember as a young man, getting letters from my grandmother.  They were always addressed to “Master Johnny King” – which, of course, I thought was VERY cool.  She would tell me about small things in her life. Of course, I would “have” to write back (I saw it as a chore back then).  My letters inevitably started “Dear Grandma:  How are you?  I am fine.”  Trying to find things to say about a young boy’s life that would interest my grandmother seemed difficult.  It was not until many years later that I understood it wasn’t so much the content of the letter that mattered, it was the contact itself.  As I grew older, Grandma continued to write, even when I didn’t.  She would send clippings of Bloom County, knowing it was my favorite comic strip.  I remember her letters were always so much fun to read – they provided a sense of home and connectedness.

            The second correspondence I remember is between me and my girlfriend/fiancée.  I was in San Diego and she was in Reno.  Back then there were these things called “long distance phone calls” and they cost money!  We talked by phone no more than once a week.  But we wrote each other often.  Those letters were easy to write, though I confess often repetitive in nature as I talked about how much I missed her and how much I loved her.  Those letters also provided a sense of connectedness as well as hope and love.  There was also a sense of expectation – of eagerly checking the mailbox each day and the joy of finding a letter there. 

            The final set of letters in my life are the letters I receive from the children I sponsor through Compassion International.  These letters are handwritten (sometimes by teachers, for the children too young to write).  They sometimes sound like the letters I wrote my grandmother, but they are full of love!

            I still have the letter my grandmother wrote to me when I graduated medical school.  I still have the letters I received from Marji (and she still has the ones from me).  And literally have 3 binders full of the letters from our compassion kids. Re-reading all these letters bring back precious memories and deepen relationships.

            E-mails are convenient, certainly.  I remember being on deployment and being able to e-mail daily. And yet I would still write longer “letters” sent by email to family and friends every month.  Yet despite the convenience – or maybe because of it – e-mails have their down-side.  Let’s start with the “art” of writing.  It was bad enough that I would write “Dear Grandma:  How are you?  I am fine?”  But e-mail (and texting) encourage even worse:  “How r u?”  “IDK”  “lol” and so on.  There is something about taking the time to write out a sentence fully – artfully – that makes letters personal.  You invest a part of your life in letters.

            Now, being an old-fashioned guy who still prefers holding a book in his hands to reading something on my iPad, it should come as no surprise that I also find something “tangible” in holding a letter that has a person’s handwriting on it.  How many e-mails a day to we delete?  (How much junk mail do we throw away each day?)  I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t have any e-mails that are 30+ years old.

            A few final thoughts:  Second to a nice long letter is a hand-written note.  A thank-you note, a get-well card, a note of encouragement.  These hand-written “moments in time” still contain a piece of the person who wrote them.  They speak of consideration given in time and thought.  Lastly, good letter writing skills will prove themselves when it comes to finding a job.  Sending a letter of intent (even if attached electronically), a letter of thanks for an interview, etc can make a tremendous difference.

            The one time I can still anticipate a letter is with Christmas cards.  Even so, it is not quite the same.  They are personal, but not individual.  They do increase connectedness and relationship, but sometimes it seems more like a Christmas ritual than a true correspondence.

            So here is my challenge to you:  write a letter.  In fact, make it a habit to write a letter – shoot for once a month.  And send it by regular mail – I guarantee it will brighten someone’s day (maybe even your own).

With much love,

Pastor JC

Advice to the young men in my life: Turn off the electronics!

            First of all, I realize there is some irony in my giving this advice on a blog.  And this is definitely one of those instances where “do as I say and not as I do” comes into play (but I am trying to take my own advice).  Second, I realize that this is tough advice during the Christmas season, when you are bound to get any number of electronic things to “play” with.  Lastly, I realize that I have a tendency (as do many people my age) to get a little preachy about this, so I apologize before-hand.

            Nevertheless, let’s get into it.  It is amazing to me to see how connected we all are to our phones these days.  People sitting side-by-side, totally engrossed in a small screen, with ear buds in their ears.  They are oblivious to the world around them, and to each other.  We’ve all seen the videos of people looking at their cell phones, and walking into lamp-posts, etc.  We’ve also heard stories of people who are so “trusting” of their car navigation system that they end up in lakes or on railroad tracks.  These stories are funny, yet incredibly sad at the same time.  Throw in the amount of snarkiness and search for self-esteem that people exhibit on Facebook and other social media.  Add the time spent playing video games or watching TV/Streaming media.  The result is increasing isolation that is masked by electronic connections.

            The American Academy of Pediatrics has some recommendations regarding screen time.  They discuss time limits, media-free times and media-free zones all of which seem like reasonable and healthy recommendations.  Let’s look at play time and physical activity.  When I was a kid (you knew that phrase was coming!) I remember playing “kick the can”, “capture the flag”, “red light / green light”, and “red rover”.  These games developed thinking skills, social skills, motor skills, and were just plain fun!  I also remember riding my bike:  building jumps, trying to pop a wheelie, and racing friends.  Once again while building friendships and having fun I was improving gross and fine motor skills, learning physics (how to build a jump), and learning how to cope with failures (and road rash).  So, what’s the difference between these and the media games kids love?  While fine motor control and response time may be improved with video games, there are definite differences with number of calories burned/general health and social connectedness.  There is also a difference in learning about risk.  If I “risk” in a video game, the worst that will happen is I “lose a life” and have to start over.  And if its multi-player, my friends get mad – but there is no real loss.  If I mis-judge my bike jump, the consequences of that risk are a little deeper than the video game.  Yet in some ways, the younger generations have become more risk-averse.  (Granted, this is due to a lot more than video games!)

We played “soldier” and “cowboys and Indians” with toy guns and dirt clod hand grenades.  There was no blood and gore associated with it (unless there was a rock in the dirt clod).  There was always honor associated with it (fighting the bad guys, rescuing the oppressed, etc.).  It wasn’t about the killing, it was about being the soldier or cowboy, or hero.  Contrast that with the current video games, most of which seem to revolve around shooting as many people as you can and/or stealing as many cars as you can.  As far as I know (no, I have not played call of duty or grand theft auto or any of the other games, so I could be wrong) it is all about killing and making money.  Our games fired our imagination.  It required that we take mundane objects and – with our mind – turn them into spectacular props for our play.  It required compromise: “Let’s do a frontal assault” – “no, let’s try to take them from behind”.  It also didn’t take up the amount of time video games can suck out of our lives.  I do remember as a late 20’s newly married man getting WAAYY to engrossed in a computer game.  My wife rightly called me to accountability and reminded me that my new marriage was MUCH more important to spend time on than some space-conquering game.  It seems many of us (young and old) need a reminder of that these days.  All too often we find ourselves in the same room with family or friends, each one of us absorbed in our own digital world.

Electronics and the internet can certainly be a blessing.  We have access to unlimited information.  Problem is, that leads to us believing something without verifying it.  It also leads to us not having to think for ourselves.  Its too easy too look up something rather than to mull it over (or better yet talk it over) and come to a decision on our own.  By all means, then check that decision!  But at least MAKE one instead of letting someone else make it for you.

So, let me make a few suggestions, in keeping with the AAP.  First, limit the time you spend on electronics.  Turn off the TV.  Maybe even take an extended (i.e. 3-6 months) from TV.  You’d be surprised how fun reading and playing games and just talking can be!  Don’t be so tied to your cell phone.  Set times that you will check e-mail and texts or return calls.  If someone REALLY needs to talk to you, they’ll manage to get the message to you, don’t worry.  Maybe even consider leaving your phone at home!  (Believe it or not, there was a time when phones were “tied” to our homes and didn’t go everywhere with us – and we survived!).  Give up (or at least take a break) from the video games.  Trust me, there are many more productive things you could be doing!  Finally, establish some “no electronic” zones.  Mealtime (whether at home or the restaurant) is a good choice.  Bathrooms are another good choice (a pet peeve of mine is people talking on the phone while in the bathroom – not very considerate of those they are talking too, or others in the restroom!)  And finally, how about writing a letter instead of texting someone (which will be our next topic!).

Now that you’re done reading this blog, turn off your computer and go spend some time with someone face-to-face!  Merry Christmas.

Being a gentleman

What does it mean to behave gentlemanly?  Courtesy.  Manners.  Chivalry. Politeness.  So many words to choose from.  Let’s look at each individually for a moment. 

The idea of chivalry started in medieval times with knighthood.  There wasn’t a single “code of chivalry”.  As it evolved over time it became more a guide of general virtues which still had an aspect of the warrior and nobility.  Part of the chivalric code included the idea of defending those who are weaker, maintaining honor, and serving the ladies of the court.  As knights began to disappear, so did the chivalric code (to be replaced by other things).  The idea that women need protecting is definitely an outdated part of the chivalric code.  Do not for a minute believe that conducting yourself as a gentlemen includes believing that women are weaker or need defending by a man because they can’t defend themselves.

Courtesy is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a behavior marked by polished manners or respect for others”.  The key take-away here is “respect for others”.  If we combine the chivalric code ideas of honor and protection with the foundation for that being “respect for others” I think we are getting close to the idea of what being a gentleman is all about.

“Manners” has several meanings, but the two I think are most relevant are “social conduct or rules of conduct” and “habitual conduct or deportment”.

And “polite” is defined as behavior that is respectful and considerate of others.

So, how do we put this together?  Might I suggest the most important aspect of being a gentleman is “habitually conduct yourself toward others in a way that is honoring and respectful”.

If a king or queen were to enter the room and come up to you while you were sitting down, what would you do?  Stand up (I hope!).  If that king or queen were to be entering a door you were standing next to, what would you do?  Open it for them (I hope!)  These acts would show honor and respect.  Likewise, when introduced to someone – stand up!  Hold the door open for the person (male or female)  - even if you got there first!  Now, one “custom” that doesn’t happen much anymore is a gentleman standing when a lady enters the room.  That could pose a problem in many places these days (imagine standing up every time a lady entered the restaurant, or Starbucks, etc.  But I would suggest that there are still times and places when this may be appropriate.  I’ll leave it to you to discern that time, but again I would remind you of “honor and respect”.

Let’s make it a little harder.  How about allowing someone to merge or change lanes in front of you on the freeway?  How about letting someone in front of you at the grocery store line? 

I could go on – giving someone the jacket you are wearing (or in the case of Sir Walter Raleigh, laying the jacket over a mud-puddle so m’lady wouldn’t get her feet muddy).

Let’s look at one more that could be interpreted as treating women as “needing protection”.  A gentleman offers his arm to a lady as they are walking along.  Now, the question is, which side should the lady be on?  Although you will find different answers (right side, closer to the heart; right side, as a knight would wear his sword on the left), lets again look at it from the standpoint of honor and respect.  A gentleman should want to keep a lady safe from danger (not because he thinks she can’t protect herself, but because he is honoring and respecting her).  So, when walking down a sidewalk, the man should be on the side closest to the street.  This places him between the lady and a car, or spattered rain/mud, or even thrown objects.  (When I was a young kid, we were told that a gentleman would actually switch sides as he and the lady crossed the street, thus protecting her from oncoming cars on both sides of the street).

Let’s bring this back to our first rule:  Jesus first.  Jesus taught that we should be willing to sacrifice for others.  He taught that we should love one another and that we should be humble when comparing ourselves to others.  (Of course, Jesus was the ultimate gentleman as he willingly gave up his life for ours.)

Okay, but what about all those other things we think of when we hear “mind your manners”?  How does not resting your elbows on the table show honor and respect for others?  Well they do.  Some are more obvious than others (don’t talk with your mouth full, etc – you can find some basic rules at the Emily Post website (check out other posts there!)   But remember our definition of manners:  dealing with social conduct.  Let’s say you’re at a business meeting, or going on a date.  Hopefully you would want to show respect and honor to the person/people you are dining with, and one way to do that is to follow the norms of table manners.  This is an interesting article that talks about how manners may actually help us to do well in institutional situations.  Why?  Well, they talk about rewiring the brain and such, but I would suggest it again comes down to the “habitual” part of our definition.  Why should my children eat with mouths closed and keep their elbows off the table?  Why do I need to know which fork to use? Because consistently practicing respectful behavior in ALL situations will help them when they need to “be on their best manners”.

Well, we could go on and on, but we could also sum it up with “habitually conduct yourself toward others in a way that is honoring and respectful”.

Next time we’ll talk about something that is part of manners, but also much, much more:  Put Down the Electronics!

Advice to the Young Men in My Life: Intro and 1. First, Jesus

Advice to the young men in my life.

The other day I became inspired to restart my blog, but in a slightly different direction than previous topics.  I’ve been listening to podcasts from The Art of Manliness.  As I listened to Walker Lamond talk about his book “Advice to My Unborn Son” I began thinking about the young men in my life.  I am blessed with a wonderful daughter and was able to teach her many things as she grew up.  Now I have a one year old grandson and I began thinking about what advice/wisdom I would give to him to help make him into a man.  I also began thinking of the two young men in my life – my son-in-law, and my “adopted” son.  What advice would I give to them, even though they are adults now?

So, I sat down at my desk and let the ideas flow in no particular order.  I was able to come up with about 50 different ideas.  Are these “for men only”?  Of course not.  Many of these I hope I have instilled in my daughter.  But I do believe that there are differences between men and women, and some things that make a man a man.  My (ambitious) goal is to try to write about one of these things each week.

My influences of manhood are varied.  First and foremost is my father.  I learned many things from him (which I will reference in posts to come).  My grandfather was a quiet man, but I learned a lot watching him.  I also learned a lot from my Scoutmaster.  Biographies of soldiers, sailors and marines from WWII provided much inspiration.  Fictional role models for me were John Wayne, Louis L’Amour protagonists, and Captain America and Superman.

So, let’s begin.  I said that I let the ideas flow in no particular order.  That isn’t true for the first one, for I believe it is the foundation for everything else:

First, Jesus.

I make no bones about the fact that I am a Christian (I am a priest in the Anglican Church of America, after all!) and I believe that trusting in Jesus as your savior and your Lord is paramount.  The Bible tells us that God created man and desires to be in relationship with him.  God also desires that man be in relationship with creation – the world, animals, plants, other human beings.  Jesus allows us to be in relationship with God. Jesus also shows us through His life what the perfect man (or woman) is.

I think people often tend to think of Jesus as a wimp.  Yes, this is the guy who said “turn the other cheek”.  He’s also the guy that made a whip out of cords and drove people out of the temple.  Jesus faced torture and crucifixion.  He slept through stormy seas that made seasoned fisherman afraid for their lives.  When it comes to strength and courage and fitness, Jesus was a man’s man.

Jesus was a leader.  He was able to keep a diverse group of followers (coming from all walks of life, all levels of education, and all professions) focused on the objective, even when they didn’t fully understand what that was.  He was a servant leader – washing the feet of his disciples like the lowliest of servants.  He had such charisma that people literally dropped everything to follow him.  (You may think that is an exaggeration, but I had the privilege of meeting a man once that – had he said “come with me”, I would have followed anywhere.  His name is Archbishop Benjamin Kwashi).

Jesus wasn’t afraid to show emotion – He cried and He rejoiced.  He had compassion on those around him.  He became indignant at injustice and hypocrisy.  He demonstrated extravagant love – sacrificial love.

As a man, we should try to live our lives in the example that Jesus gave.  We should also be submitted to him, as he was submitted to the authority of God the Father.  This means having a spiritual life (also more to come on this) that includes being an active member of a church, regular prayer, and service, and following His commandments.

As a man makes Jesus first in his life, and establishes Him and His teachings as a foundation, everything else comes from, and is built upon, that foundation.

Next time:  Being a gentleman.

Fairy Tales and The Story

I had a chance to see Snow White and the Huntsman recently.  I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was very pleasantly surprised.  It wasn’t dark, it wasn’t sappy, it wasn’t….what I expected.  It was, in fact, “real”.  And it got me thinking quite a bit about Fairy Tales and the Story (i.e. The Gospel).  First a disclaimer – while there are parallels and trails of thought that I can bring out of this movie in relation to Christianity, I fully realize that there are places the analogy falls short.  At least as far as I know, the story of Snow White was never intended as an allegory of Christ. (Although it is interesting to do a Google search on this topic and see how many other people have made comparisons).

So let me deal with storyline first.  There is a king.  He’s a good king, and he rules his kingdom well.  Unfortunately, he is tricked by an evil queen.  The king dies and the queen becomes the ruler of the kingdom.  Because of her evil nature, the kingdom suffers – not just the people, but the land itself.  We are told of the queen “she wants everyone dead, all of us!”  In the midst of this, there is Snow White, the only hope for the destruction of the evil queen.  One of the dwarves describes Snow White and the effect that she has on the land and those she comes in contact with:  “she is life itself”.  Furthermore, the evil queen is told “[Snow White’s] innocence and purity is all that can destroy you” – and going even further, “only by fairest blood is it undone”.  So am I crazy in thinking this is a familiar storyline:  a good king, the kingdom taken over by evil that only wants death.  The victory over that evil through someone who is “life itself”, who is innocent and pure, and who undoes this evil through “fairest blood”?  And of course I won’t even mention the whole “poison apple” thing. 

Well, I don’t think I’m crazy.  And I wonder how much of God’s story found its way into the movie, if not the original story?  And that further begs the question of why?  What is so appealing about the story of our creation, fall, and redemption that it would find its way into this (and so many other) stories?  Could it be that we hear and see the truth of that story in our lives and in the world around us?  There’s no denying we live in a fallen, imperfect world.  There’s no denying death.  And we yearn for something more.  We yearn for rescue from the cold “dark forest”, and from the rule of the evil one.  We yearn for “life itself” and the “sanctuary” where the white stag lives.  And we hope (even pray) that it is more than just a fairy tale.  Some of us believe it is more.

But that brings me to the last part of this ramble – how do we (those of us who believe the Story) tell that story?  I remember watching Disney’s version of Snow White.  It’s fluff.  It’s 2 dimensional, it's cartoon, and it's boring – even with a dragon.  It’s singing birds and everything rosy and even the bad things aren’t “too bad”.  But this movie….this movie was different.  It's 3 dimensional, it's flesh and blood.  In this movie Evil is pure evil.  Even though it looks beautiful, it isn’t.  It drips tarry ooze and yells, and kills, and it is old and shriveled and hateful underneath.  And the people (and dwarves) that fight evil aren’t perfect.  They have their faults and sometimes its hard to love them.  But they love Snow White and what she represents.  They fight for that, and the fighting is hard.  There are casualties in that fight.  There is pain and suffering and sacrifice in that fight.  So let me ask you, how do you present Christianity?  Does it come across as a fairy tale where all is fluffy and bright and painless, or does it come across as an epic battle of Good versus Evil, involving imperfect (sometimes downright ugly) people who nevertheless join the fight and overcome evil not by themselves, but through the blood of the one who gives life itself?  Yes, the story is real.  Yes, there is still magic in the story, but it is not “fairy tale” magic.  It is “epic” magic.  So I close by challenging you (and myself) to take a look at how you tell The Story, and even whether you tell The Story at all.  Because you see, it’s only in Fairy Tales that “they all live happily ever after”, because fairy tales don't really matter.  But epic stories do matter, and decisions carry life - or death.